by Jeanine Alpert

As parents we want to ensure such a wonderful day that we often forget that having a small party, eating cake and opening presents is a big deal for our little ones. How many times have you seen the birthday girl or boy, surrounded by mounds of gifts, gaggles of children, pictures and video cameras going and they are in the middle of it all crying? It's simply too much for them.

Children love birthday parties and there are some simple ways to make a party enjoyable for everyone:

- Keep it small

10-12 children for ages 5 to 12 is a perfect size for a memorable and fun party. Too many kids increases stimulation and your child cannot possibly play with them all. Also, invite who your child plays with. It increases the pleasure of the day.

- Plan activities but be willing to 'go with the flow'

The best party we had for our son was when we rented a bounce house and had cake. No need for anything else. The kids made the fun for themselves and everyone was relaxed and enjoying themselves.

- Go somewhere fun

Gymnastics, pottery, batting cages whatever, but keep it simple and small. Your child's entire class does not need to be invited to the special day for your child to have fun.

- Stick to a theme and keep party activities focused on that.

With Buzz Lightyear, have a space party. With Ariel, have a princess party. Do not introduce new ideas that do not fit the theme like pony rides or swimming to a party that is about cars or animals. It hits that 'too much' button and over-stimulates children so they cannot focus on the party itself but 'what I am going to do next!'

- Have your kids write thank you notes

This is a wonderful opportunity for your child to learn this very necessary and always polite social grace. If 40 children attend their party, then the task becomes overwhelming. 10 to 12 classmates or friends is a manageable size and does not become an arduous challenge for both your child and you.

If your child does become over-stimulated, remember this rule of thumb: stay calm, remove them quietly, and validate their feelings. Don't yell at them, try to get them to 'have fun' or feel embarrassed that your child is having a melt down. A hug goes a long way in helping a child calm down and return to their party.

As parents, we want the best for our kids but the best does not mean the most. Creating memories that last happens naturally but not when we are trying really hard to make them memorable. Make thoughtful decisions about your child's birthday party, invite their friends, limit the number of children, and eat cake. You and your child will have a blast!

Jeanine Alpert, LCSW is the Practice Manager for Fletcher & Associates Psychological Services, P.A. in Plano. For more information go to www.FletcherPhD.com or to contact Jeanine email her at This e-mail address is being protected from spam bots, you need JavaScript enabled to view it .

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